Dear diary,

#003

I usually don’t want to feel anything, like some sort of self protection. But these past few days have been like a rollercoaster. I feel everything all at once. I’m really confused and I don’t know what to do. So writing this down will probably help me. 

I guess it’s not the part where I want to shut the pain out, because pain demands to be felt, and I know that, but I think it’s part where I can feel happy again. I’m so scared to be happy again. Everytime when I get happy and everything is going great, something really bad happends. I don’t want that anymore, I want to be happy. I want to live my life, with no regrets and never looking back to the past (the bad things), only looking forward. I’m here now at this moment, and I want to enjoy every single minute of it with te people I love the most. 

I know I’ve made some big mistakes in the past, but I’m doing everything to fix those. I may have hurt some people, and I’m really sorry for that. I really am. You didn’t deserve it and I wish I could go back and fix things. 

The past few weeks have been hard on me, esspecially with my surgery, but I’m keeping up. I’m feeling great at the moment. Some people really helped me get through. Just by visiting, texting, calling and getting me out of this house. I want to thank you. Thank you for believing in me, helping me, support me in every way and always being there for me. Without the people I’m talking about, I don’t think I would’ve been this happy right now. 

It almost feels like a goodbye letter, but it isn’t. I just want to show you all how grateful I am with the amazing friends I have and my beloved family. I’m planning on sticking around for a long time, so prepare for much laughter, fun, good times and of course the summer. I love you all, with all of my heart. Thank you. 

💋’s Denise. 

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